Post by Pennyroyal_Tea (admin) on Oct 12, 2003 12:51:47 GMT -5
I'm not sure when this is from but I found it at this link: www.silverbulletcomicbooks.com/buddy/98159650559627.htm. I just thought it was quite spiffy.
Bring Me The Head Of Vince McMahon
By Buddy Scalera
Bring me the head of Vince McMahon, one of the greatest pop culture geniuses of our time. Deliver him to my doorstep because he and I need to talk.
"Vince," I would say, "what do you love most in life?"
[IMG2R]And he would answer, "Buddy, besides reading Deadpool, the things I love most are making money and having fun."
"Perfect. Then, Vince, how would you like to do a line of brand new comic books?"
"Could I own the properties and licensing?"
"Of course, Vince, all creator-owned comic books allow the creator to manage the story, the art the characters..."
"Yeah, yeah, great," Vince would interrupt. "That`s fine. But the licensing... I could control that?"
"Well, not everyone’s licensing, but your own, sure."
"Okay, so how is this different than the WWF comics that I do currently?"
At this point, I would pour more champagne in his glass and Busty Charms, my assistant, would rub his giant feet. "Vince, I don`t need another COMIC BOOK. I need more VINCE in the comics biz. I need you to XFL and WWF the entire industry," I would say. "This industry has gone lame. If it were a racehorse, I`d take it out behind the woodshed and put it out of its misery. This horse don`t run no more."
"So, why would I want to get involved?"
"Money and fun, Vince. We have a really unique audience and an extremely dedicated following. Even when the product is BAD, they keep buying out of habit. Even when they don`t like the comics, they buy them to complete the run. Heck, they even go to big conventions and pay top dollar for OLD copies."
"I`ve packaged old WWF events and sold them for big bucks. I like this, keep talking."
"Vince, they buy action figures, t-shirts, statues, trading cards, trade paperbacks, everything. They travel halfway around the globe just to get autographs. If you come out with a comic book movie, you`re guaranteed a certain number of fans will come to see the movie."
"This sounds like Star Wars and Star Trek."
"Better. Comic books are created CHEAPLY compared to movies and TV shows. You can put out a comic for less money than you pay your security staff on one Smackdown event."
Vince would sit back and run numbers in his head. By this point, Busty Charms is serving Vince a ham sandwich and a YooHoo. After a pause, Vince would lean forward skeptically and ask, "Okay, Bud, sounds too easy. What`s the catch?"
"Inertia. Vince, a body in motion stays in motion, right?"
"Right. Basic physics. Like when a guy throws another guy out of the ring... he`s gotta land somewhere."
"Exactly. This body has been sliding DOWN for so long, that it doesn`t know how to go back up. This industry is chock full of insanely talented creative people. But most of them don`t know how to spin it into REAL excitement and publicity. Look, you just took football, already one of the most exciting sports around, and kicked it up a notch."
"Kick it up a notch! Bam! I love that guy, Emril Lagasse."
"Stay focused, Vince. Busty, can you clip Vince`s nails after he`s done with his sandwich?"
"Why don`t the people with these creative properties do this themselves?"
"They don`t know how, Vince. They`ve never seen it in action. Besides, it`s not just something anyone can do. You have the Midas Touch. We need you, man. The last guy who brought comics to the masses like this was Stan Lee. And we treated that poor man pretty badly, so I wouldn`t blame him if he didn`t feel like being the messiah again. This whole business is ripe for a revolution. We`ve got the whole promote from within the industry thing covered. But we need someone to bring in a NEW audience. We need someone to put comic back on the pop culture map."
"I`ll see what I can do," he`d say, standing to leave.
"Vince," I`d say, easing him back into the chair. "Males. 12-34. A significant audience of females too. Motivated consumers who actually GO to comic book stores to buy the product. Low production overhead. You control the licensing."
"Mmm, I see your points. Plus, I don`t have to worry about injuries."
"Now you`re thinking, Vince."
"Buddy, one thing," Vince would say uneasily. "Comics are for kids... right?"
"No, Vince. They`re for everyone with eyes."
"Well, a lot of my success is based on the fact that sex and violence SELLS. Is the comic audience ready for sex and violence?"
"Oh, we have plenty of sex and violence already. Don`t worry about that. In fact, a lot of the sex and violence stuff pays for the good, wholesome arthouse-type stuff."
"Good, good. I`ll be in touch."
"I`ll look forward to your call. And, Vince...?"
"Yeah?"
"Leave Busty. She`s with me."
And that`s why I need the head of Vince McMahon. In a way, we all do.
Buddy Scalera is the current co-writer of Marvel Comics` Deadpool series. He`s also the former online editor for Wizard. And he`s cute as a button.
Bring Me The Head Of Vince McMahon
By Buddy Scalera
Bring me the head of Vince McMahon, one of the greatest pop culture geniuses of our time. Deliver him to my doorstep because he and I need to talk.
"Vince," I would say, "what do you love most in life?"
[IMG2R]And he would answer, "Buddy, besides reading Deadpool, the things I love most are making money and having fun."
"Perfect. Then, Vince, how would you like to do a line of brand new comic books?"
"Could I own the properties and licensing?"
"Of course, Vince, all creator-owned comic books allow the creator to manage the story, the art the characters..."
"Yeah, yeah, great," Vince would interrupt. "That`s fine. But the licensing... I could control that?"
"Well, not everyone’s licensing, but your own, sure."
"Okay, so how is this different than the WWF comics that I do currently?"
At this point, I would pour more champagne in his glass and Busty Charms, my assistant, would rub his giant feet. "Vince, I don`t need another COMIC BOOK. I need more VINCE in the comics biz. I need you to XFL and WWF the entire industry," I would say. "This industry has gone lame. If it were a racehorse, I`d take it out behind the woodshed and put it out of its misery. This horse don`t run no more."
"So, why would I want to get involved?"
"Money and fun, Vince. We have a really unique audience and an extremely dedicated following. Even when the product is BAD, they keep buying out of habit. Even when they don`t like the comics, they buy them to complete the run. Heck, they even go to big conventions and pay top dollar for OLD copies."
"I`ve packaged old WWF events and sold them for big bucks. I like this, keep talking."
"Vince, they buy action figures, t-shirts, statues, trading cards, trade paperbacks, everything. They travel halfway around the globe just to get autographs. If you come out with a comic book movie, you`re guaranteed a certain number of fans will come to see the movie."
"This sounds like Star Wars and Star Trek."
"Better. Comic books are created CHEAPLY compared to movies and TV shows. You can put out a comic for less money than you pay your security staff on one Smackdown event."
Vince would sit back and run numbers in his head. By this point, Busty Charms is serving Vince a ham sandwich and a YooHoo. After a pause, Vince would lean forward skeptically and ask, "Okay, Bud, sounds too easy. What`s the catch?"
"Inertia. Vince, a body in motion stays in motion, right?"
"Right. Basic physics. Like when a guy throws another guy out of the ring... he`s gotta land somewhere."
"Exactly. This body has been sliding DOWN for so long, that it doesn`t know how to go back up. This industry is chock full of insanely talented creative people. But most of them don`t know how to spin it into REAL excitement and publicity. Look, you just took football, already one of the most exciting sports around, and kicked it up a notch."
"Kick it up a notch! Bam! I love that guy, Emril Lagasse."
"Stay focused, Vince. Busty, can you clip Vince`s nails after he`s done with his sandwich?"
"Why don`t the people with these creative properties do this themselves?"
"They don`t know how, Vince. They`ve never seen it in action. Besides, it`s not just something anyone can do. You have the Midas Touch. We need you, man. The last guy who brought comics to the masses like this was Stan Lee. And we treated that poor man pretty badly, so I wouldn`t blame him if he didn`t feel like being the messiah again. This whole business is ripe for a revolution. We`ve got the whole promote from within the industry thing covered. But we need someone to bring in a NEW audience. We need someone to put comic back on the pop culture map."
"I`ll see what I can do," he`d say, standing to leave.
"Vince," I`d say, easing him back into the chair. "Males. 12-34. A significant audience of females too. Motivated consumers who actually GO to comic book stores to buy the product. Low production overhead. You control the licensing."
"Mmm, I see your points. Plus, I don`t have to worry about injuries."
"Now you`re thinking, Vince."
"Buddy, one thing," Vince would say uneasily. "Comics are for kids... right?"
"No, Vince. They`re for everyone with eyes."
"Well, a lot of my success is based on the fact that sex and violence SELLS. Is the comic audience ready for sex and violence?"
"Oh, we have plenty of sex and violence already. Don`t worry about that. In fact, a lot of the sex and violence stuff pays for the good, wholesome arthouse-type stuff."
"Good, good. I`ll be in touch."
"I`ll look forward to your call. And, Vince...?"
"Yeah?"
"Leave Busty. She`s with me."
And that`s why I need the head of Vince McMahon. In a way, we all do.
Buddy Scalera is the current co-writer of Marvel Comics` Deadpool series. He`s also the former online editor for Wizard. And he`s cute as a button.