Post by Pennyroyal_Tea (admin) on Apr 1, 2002 13:27:46 GMT -5
I got this from EWN, btw, Smash Wrestling is back up! yay! ;D 
BIG SHOW MISTAKEN FOR BEACHED WHALE
(Palm Beach, Fla) - Rescuers worked frantically for over
ten hours Sunday, to get a beached whale back out into the
sea, until they realized the whale wasn't a whale at all. It was
500 pound WWF superstar the Big Show, whose real name
is Paul Wight.
The mix-up occurred as a Palm Beach resident,
Marge Olson, was walking along the beach when she thought
she spotted a beached whale. "I saw what I thought had to
be a whale stuck in the sand. It was just kind of rolling around,
making these terrible noises and the smell was unbearable.
I ran back to my condo and called 911." As it turned out, there
was a simple explanation for this. Chief Whale Rescuer,
Charles Jordan gave us the details. "Paul went and
got smashed the night before and he simply passed out on the
beach. The rolling around, the terrible noises, and the foul smell,
were just a result of Paul's massive hangover and a case of
very severe gas."
Unfortunately, the rescue squad also believed that
they were dealing with a real whale, until very late that night.
Charles Jordan says that in Palm Beach this isn't surprising
at all. "We're a real confused bunch down here. I think that is
obvious to just about everyone in America. Hell I thought
he was a real whale for about the first ten hours we worked on
him. Then he started mumbling something about 'being forced
to work on Raw' and I started getting a little freaked
out. Finally one of my co-workers recognized him from all the
television wrestling shows. I just wish we would have realized
it sooner. I went and stuck my hand in what I though was the
whale's blowhole, trying to make sure its' airflow wasn't blocked
I'm going to have to go home and soak that hand in disinfectant
for about a week now. "
Paul Wight could also face legal troubles as a result of
the whale mix-up. There is a law in Palm Beach that strictly
prohibits anyone from impersonating a beached whale. The
maximum sentence for such an offence is three to five years,
plus a $1,000 fine. It is unclear whether prosecutors will file
charges against Mr. Wight at this time.
BIG SHOW MISTAKEN FOR BEACHED WHALE
(Palm Beach, Fla) - Rescuers worked frantically for over
ten hours Sunday, to get a beached whale back out into the
sea, until they realized the whale wasn't a whale at all. It was
500 pound WWF superstar the Big Show, whose real name
is Paul Wight.
The mix-up occurred as a Palm Beach resident,
Marge Olson, was walking along the beach when she thought
she spotted a beached whale. "I saw what I thought had to
be a whale stuck in the sand. It was just kind of rolling around,
making these terrible noises and the smell was unbearable.
I ran back to my condo and called 911." As it turned out, there
was a simple explanation for this. Chief Whale Rescuer,
Charles Jordan gave us the details. "Paul went and
got smashed the night before and he simply passed out on the
beach. The rolling around, the terrible noises, and the foul smell,
were just a result of Paul's massive hangover and a case of
very severe gas."
Unfortunately, the rescue squad also believed that
they were dealing with a real whale, until very late that night.
Charles Jordan says that in Palm Beach this isn't surprising
at all. "We're a real confused bunch down here. I think that is
obvious to just about everyone in America. Hell I thought
he was a real whale for about the first ten hours we worked on
him. Then he started mumbling something about 'being forced
to work on Raw' and I started getting a little freaked
out. Finally one of my co-workers recognized him from all the
television wrestling shows. I just wish we would have realized
it sooner. I went and stuck my hand in what I though was the
whale's blowhole, trying to make sure its' airflow wasn't blocked
I'm going to have to go home and soak that hand in disinfectant
for about a week now. "
Paul Wight could also face legal troubles as a result of
the whale mix-up. There is a law in Palm Beach that strictly
prohibits anyone from impersonating a beached whale. The
maximum sentence for such an offence is three to five years,
plus a $1,000 fine. It is unclear whether prosecutors will file
charges against Mr. Wight at this time.
....Shoot me now...
help me! 
