Jokes..

[Pennyroyal_Tea (admin)]

yep,i'm bored...

so who has any good jokes,lol,I luv this one,Rating PG/13 though..

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the hotel room.

When they start to have sex, the wife says that she has something to
confess. The husband says, "I will love you no matter what it is,
tell me."

So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat chested.

The husband says, "I can deal with that."

He takes off her shirt and shouts, "Boy! you are small, but I love
you anyway."

The husband says, "I have something to confess also."

She says, "No matter what I will still love you."

He says, "Okay.I am built like a baby down there."

She says, "I can deal with that."

So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and
she finally gets up.

She says, "I thought you said you were built like a baby?"

He says, "Yeah....7lbs, 21inches."

[[e-mail]]

lol

[Good-Old-JR]

I got this from a site,but I cant remember where..

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most.What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split up. You go that way and I'll go this way. He can't follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing. I started to run as fast as I could and
he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster
than a man with his pants down.......

[[e-mail]]

Sorry to any blondes.. *hides*

A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that
because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!"

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have
learned to speak 'blonde!"

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her First Class wasn't going to Montreal".

[StandBack]

lmao  ;D

[Goldust4WWFChamp]

ok not strictly a joke but here it is anyway..

> >Some Things To Do At Wal-Mart While Your Partner Is Taking His/Her Sweet
> >Time:
> >
> >** Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute
> >intervals.
> >** Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
> >** Put M&M's on lay away.
> >** Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
> >** Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers
> >you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding
> >department.
> >** When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why
> >can't you people just leave me alone?
> >** Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you
> >pick your nose.
> >** While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he
> >knows where the anti-depressants are.
> >** Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when
> >they aren't looking.
> >** Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme
> >from 'Mission Impossible'.
> >** In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different
> >size funnels.
> >** Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK
> >ME! PICK ME!!!!!!'
> >** When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal
> >position and mumble 'It's those voices again'.
> >** Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly 'Hey! We're out of toilet
> >paper in here!'

I got it forwarded to me,I think it was origionally in the DuJuFi group.

[Goldust4WWFChamp]

Three nuns on a train had been getting to know one another and decided to tell each other what their greatest sins were.
The first nun says, "My greatest sin is sex. Every year I go out for a week and work as a prostitute. Of course, I put all the money I earn into the poor box."
The second nun says, "My greatest sin is drinking. Every year I take the money from the poor box and go out drinking for a solid week."
The third just sits there quietly.
So the first nun says to her, "Come on, we've told you our worst sins. Now you have to tell us yours." The third nun says, "My greatest sin is that I gossip, and I can't wait to get off this train!"

...

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

...

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."

...

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A boy jumped into a mud puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
He took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.

...

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $40 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $90. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "How much for a season pass?"

[Pennyroyal_Tea (admin)]

ok,so it was ages ago when it was christmas but I like this one..

---

A problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of
the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa
DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
* Men can't pack a bag.
* Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
* Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
* Men don't answer their mail.
* Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
* Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
* Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
* Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men.........
Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not Santa. Not a chance.

[StandBack]

The Italian's visit to the Big Apple...

One day I go to New York and stay in a bigga hotel.
I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two pissa toast.
She bring me only one piss.

I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no understand,
I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss on plate, you sonna ma bitch!
I don't even know lady, she calla me somma ma bitch.

Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy ana tell me fa cough! -
I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!

Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky's Place, the waitress she bring me spoon, a knife but no fock.
I tella her I wanna fock - She tell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock
on table. She say you betta not fock on table you sonna ma bitch -
I not even know lady ana she call me sonna ma bitch.

So, I go back to my hotel room, an there's no sheet on my bed.
I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheet, he tell me go to toilet. So, I say, you no understand,
I wanna sheet on bed. He say you betta not sheet on bed you sonna ma bitch.
I don't even know man ana he call me sonna ma bitch!

I go to check out of hotel and man at desk say peace to you. I say peace on you too!,
you sonna ma bitch! - I GO BACK TO ITALY!!!

[[e-mail]]

Aaah..I'm getting logged out again  

Dont read if your erm..um..I dunno..young  

A new sex sport...

Have you heard about the latest sensation? It's called "Rodeo Sex"?

Thats when you mount your wife doggy style.
In the middle of the sex act you bend over and whisper in her ear,
"Your sister has tighter pussy than you", and try to hold on for 8 seconds!

[Pennyroyal_Tea (admin)]

Somebody posted this on PWZ (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ProWrestlingZone) and I've just nicked it..  

---

"Looking around the backstage area one smackdown Hulk Hogan stumbled
across a dusty, old mirror. Wanting to check out his pythons he
dusted it down when suddenly it spoke to him:
'I am an enchanted mirror,' it said, 'ask me any question and i will
answer it truthfully.'
Pondering for a second Hogan eventually asked:
'Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the greatest wrestler of them all?'
Relpying the mirror said, "You are Hogan."
Satisfied Hogan left the room and continued on smackdown.
The next week, however, Hogan was unable to help himself and yet
again found the enchanted mirror.
'Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the greatest wrestler of them
all?' He asked again, and again the reply was: 'You are Hogan'.
This continued for many weeks until Stone Cold Steve Austin walked
into the storeroom and asked Hogan what he was doing.
'Steve, i found this enchanted mirror.' Hogan said excitedly, 'Ask
it anything and it will answer truthfully!'
'I know,' relpied Austin, 'but the warranty ran out in 1983........'